As with most people in the beginning of a new year, I have found myself re-evaluating every aspect of my life. Asking the hard questions to God in prayer and to trusted friends and mentors. Honestly, I wish God would just give me my own personal manual for my life instead of having to do so much searching. If He asked me to move to Africa He knows I’d go in a heartbeat…. Right?

What I have realized this past year is that I took the journey that God has had me on and turned it into what I wanted. As our family entered back into ministry I assumed that because of all the hard work I had done to restore my marriage and my issues that this next chapter would be the Promised Land. What I have learned is that life will always be messy because we live in a broken world. The Promised Land that I seem desperate for won’t come until I’m in Heaven.

With this new perspective I have been able to dream again. But this time with my feet firmly planted in knowing that true joy is not found in what I do but simply who I am as a daughter of the King. I’m a daughter who gets to be part of His story to change a hurting world. So here are some of my goals and dreams for 2010.

PERSONAL
Read through Bible
Run 3 Mini marathons Nashville, Indianapolis, Chicago
(may be more of a dream than a goal) ?
Pay off debt (we are halfway there) wha hoo
Monthly connect with trusted friends and mentors

MARRIAGE
Read 3 books together
1 weekend getaway
Pray consistently together

PARENTAL
Once a month Date Nights with each of my boys
Daily fully engage in what is happening in their lives
Consistently pray with them and for them

MINISTRY
Supporting launch of Cross Point Bellevue Campus
RefineUS ministry – you can read more about our plans soon at
RefineUs.org
Blog about life, love and leadership

My prayer for you is that regardless of your age, gender or broken dreams it is NEVER to late to start over and dream again. What goals and dreams do you hope to have in His story?

Last week I was blessed with the opportunity to attend Catalyst in Atlanta. It was the first time in four years that my husband Justin and I had been back to this conference. If you read my last post you will understand the magnitude of our return. I prayed, I backed out (several times), I asked for guidance from close friends and in the end felt called to go. With anticipation of what the week would hold, I begged God to give me a new sense of purpose and vision for my life. I knew by the end of the conference I would be able to blog about all that happened and tie this season of my life up with a BIG FAT PRETTY BOW!

As Justin and I walked into the familiar setting of Catalyst, I found that all the emotions that I thought I would feel were simply not there. The couple that we once were no longer exists so to try and go back to who we used to be was nearly impossible. I could feel the pretty fat bow start to take shape around my life and the level of anticipation of what God would speak left me giddy. The theme of the week was “On Your Mark” and Andy Stanley delivered a powerful opening message that set the tone for the sessions to come. While most people would be and should be fired up by his message I felt my pretty fat bow start to loosen it’s grip. The conference was no longer about Justin and I as a couple (although we were SO grateful to be there together) it became about me, 15 years of ministry and a lost “mark”.

In attempting to wrap my mind around what God was doing I prayed He would make it clear where I could find my mark. Have I missed it? Is being a wife, mom and friend my mark? If so, then why do I feel confused and discontent? Each of these roles mean the world to me! Is it a holy discontent or a fear of a mark I feel inadequate to embrace? I don’t want to be the double-minded person of James 1:8. Yet I don’t want to get started on a mark He has not asked me to embrace. What’s even more painful is that I love to help others find their mark! I don’t care what your baggage is, I know that God has a purpose and a plan for you! But how can I champion others to find their mark if I have no idea where to find mine? So I prayed, read scripture and listened….

I wish I could leave this post wrapped with a pretty fat bow, but I can’t. God has remained quiet and I am still waiting to hear “on your mark”. What I can leave you with is this… although I hate being in this place, I will never give-up! I don’t know why God has led me here but in the end he will wrap me in his pretty fat bow of grace and redemption and tell me “well done good and faithful servant” and that is the hope I cling to today.

I would love to hear if you are on this journey or would like to share words of encouragement for those of us who are!

I was asked to be a gust writer on my friend Jenni’s Blog. Below is the post I wrote for her on Leading from the Second Chair.

Jenni and I met 8 years ago when my husbandJustin was on staff at the church she attended. We have recently reconnected as my husband took a job at Cross Point Church where Jenni serves as the Executive Director.

One thing that Jenni and I have in common is our passion for leadership. Each time we get together we enjoy deep discussions about how to be better leaders, how to help others be better leaders and what leaders are currently impacting our lives.

So you may be wondering what do I do for a living? What is my title…. Are you ready? Well sorry to disappoint you but I don’t have a title. I have always led from the SECOND CHAIR. Let me further explain. Justin has been a pastor for 13 yrs (you can read our story HERE). I have not only been his #2 leader at certain times in ministry, I have played that role for many other leaders without a title or pay. I have had offers and opportunities but for the past 13 years my primary focus has been being a full-time stay-at-home mom to my three awesome boys and a part-time/full-time leader from the second chair. So I am sure your are asking yourself… “then what does this chick know about leadership?”

Webster’s defines a leader as “Someone who leads.” Leadership is not defined by a title or the number of people you are leading. I have met many people that have big dreams or feel as if they don’t have a big enough dream that are either waiting for a title or a belief in themselves to make those dreams a reality. While they wait, they see others who are less gifted to lead take off in pursuit of their dreams. Often, frustration and defeat sets in and the once big dream has now turned into bitterness and resentment. While I don’t believe that all of us are wired to be CEOs or Executive Directors, I do believe that God has given all of us the gift to lead from the second chair!

Leading from the second chair for me has been birthed from two passions and three principles. I have a passion to help people find their way back to God AND to help them discover God’s purpose and plan for their lives. In order to make these passions a reality from the second chair, I have lived by these three principles:

1. Leadership is about influence and using that influence to spur others toward a common goal.
2. Leading from the second chair eventually requires you to learn to lead from the first chair or to submit to someone else’s leadership.
3. A GOOD leader leads… a GREAT leader teaches others to lead.

I have had the privilege to see first hand three women who lead from the second chair although there are many more I could write about! Angie has taken her pain of loss and grief and turned into a website and soon to be book. Although she is not counseling every person that’s on a similar journey, from the second chair she has provided encouragement, affirmation and hope! She and her best friend  Jessica also started a book club to provide further encouragement! My dear friend Brandi’s second chair leadership has MANY different facets, but one of my favorites is her blog. She uses her second chair to inspire, encourage and just make people laugh, that yes, even pastors’ families aren’t perfect.

Any further insights or experience you have had in leading from the second chair?